Relationships and Trusting in God

I love someone so dearly that words cannot describe. This man doesn't seem to understand that the choices I make are for our greater good. God has revealed to me that the season that I'm in is not conducive for a fruitful friendship with him. From a woman of God's perspective, I know what is expected of me and I must choose to serve God first before entertaining what my flesh desires. God knows my heart and he understands how much I long to be with this gentleman. However, the gentleman seems to not understand where I stand in my walk with Christ. We are going in two different directions. His mentality is rooted in the world, whereas I am chasing after God and His word. What do you do when you see the potential in someone to do astounding things for God but they refuse to give their heart to Him? It pains me to see the love of my life not in love with the God I serve. I care so much about him, but the Lord has revealed to me that I care too much about him. I have to let go of this man so that he may grow into what God has destined for him to be. I have tried to be there for him in every way I knew how. But I failed to realize that I cannot be what God has to be in his life. I have made the mistake of taking on the responsibility of "hounding" him to do things, worrying if he is going to make the right choices. I want this man to understand that I love him but that I must love God first. I know that God will reunite us one day when He sees fit, not when we think it's time. Simply put, he has to grow up and leave behind that in which is going to perish and leave him lonely. I'm standing in the way of his maturation and I have finally decided to be of help and not of hindrance. Nevertheless, it hurts so bad to see him choosing the wrong things in life time and time again. Witnessing the destruction that he simply calls fun, is hurtful to see. The pain is indescribable. He takes my concern as criticism and I don't know how to voice my love without seeming like an overbearing mother. Within the next few weeks, I am choosing to get closer to God through fasting; in essence I'm leaving him behind. I WANT HIM TO FOLLOW GOD WITH ME! WITH ME. God knows I'm an emotional person and that I tend to take on the issues of other people. But I don't want to be this fragile person anymore. I want God to birth a new woman out of the old me. This process is going to be difficult but it is necessary. Somehow in my mind I keep questioning whether this man cares enough about his own destiny, his own life---or do I care more than he does? I have to leave behind old things and old ways and that includes my old habits. I can't keep falling for a man who is not yet a true man. When I finally wed, I must be with a man who can provide for me emotionally, physically, mentally and most importantly, spiritually. He has to be that Protector and covering that shields me from danger using his heart and his mind, not his fist. He has to be rooted in Christ and develop that relationship with God that is necessary for him to realize and pursue his purpose. He has to chase after God and all that God has waiting for him. There must be a blazing flame of fire in his spirit at all times that will in turn lead me to a victorious lifestyle as his help-mate. These are all the things God calls a husband to be. As a matter of fact, God calls a man to be these things without a woman being at his side. A man of God is called to victory as opposed to continuous defeat. I have chosen God now. Will he choose God too? Who knows. I will continue to pray for this man and intercede in his life through prayer. That's all I can do and know how to do. I long to be his woman in every way, but only when God says that's my rightful place. I must first be a friend to this man, a man who will soon serve God with a will that shall make my spirit rejoice. Until God breaks and molds him, I must patiently wait and walk in what God calls me to do. My purpose will one day include marriage. I know it will. Until that day comes, I will continue to put my trust in the Almighty God and He will see to it that I am taken care of with or without the man that I love SO very much. I pray with everything in me that he chooses God to lead his life before it's too late. I love you God and I give you permission to have your way with this relationship. Amen.